Moments of motherhood

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Write, so. Here we go. A blog. It’s been so long, but would you believe me if I said it’s been the hardest thing to do lately?

It’s not a lack of ideas that’s been holding me back, it’s an overwhelming number. My heart has been so full lately that it’s been hard to know where to start.

Since I last wrote here, I think I’ve become a different person. Or maybe I’ve just expanded who I was as a person. All because of one little boy.

He fills my heart in a way I didn’t know it could be filled. There’s space there that had been waiting just for him. I tell him he is my divine child. And he is.

I feel like I’m watching life itself when I look at him, he is the perfect mix of innocence and ancient wisdom. I don’t even know how to explain it. I had no idea being a parent, a mother – how I love those words – would be so life-altering.

Watching S. with our darling boy is like seeing her come home. She’s always said that all she’s ever wanted to do is be a mother and I can see that absolutely in her. She’s so gentle, and so warm with him. It’s as if she has become the self she’s always aspired to.

I love that S. and I have just kind of molded around each other as parents, filling the spaces the other doesn’t. T. needs his mummy and his mama, just in different ways.

Seeing him smile is pure joy on his face and in my heart. He’s 11 weeks old today. It seems crazy.

I love that he knows me, his mama, just by the sight of my hair or the sound of my voice. He gave me his first laugh yesterday. I wanted to hold it forever in the palm of my hand.

I feel like this is what I have been waiting for, for so long. I just never knew how much this little boy would complete me. Complete both S. and I. He fills me with awe. They both do, and sometimes I just feel my heart might burst with it all. So here it is.

Love and light, always.
B.

 

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